On September 20th, 2008, a couple of 20 somethings walked down the aisle and vowed promises of forever and always to one another. That was us.
Ryan and I have always been honest about what our marriage is. We are very clear that marriage is difficult. We are no strangers to vocal public fights. Our close friends and families are always pulled in to hear our testimonies but we never asked them to take sides. But we try to always ask, “What could I do to make this better?” Our friends and family know us well individually and as a couple and we have been extremely blessed to have people in our lives that believe in our love and union and support the success of it.
When Ryan and I had the conversation of marriage as an unmarried couple, we both happened to be on the same page. When we spoke of marriage we talked about the hard work we had to put in. Marriage is not always easy like Sunday morning. My main focus was not about my wedding dress. It was not about my guest list. It was about making sure that we can make this work for as long as we vowed to make it work for. Forever. Forever is a long damn time. As the times and seasons change, people change. What we can hope for and what we can fight through is to try to not necessarily change but to grow and hopefully in our journey to grow as individuals we can grow together as husband and wife. Always.
Last anniversary was the first one in a while where we felt good in our marriage. Like I say about our marriage when asked, we have good years and we have our unbearable ones. Years 7 & 8 were rough ones. We went through a lot as a couple and those two rough ass years had divorce on the tongue. Our kind side vs. our stubborn side were at a constant battle. As much as we told ourselves to be kind to our partner the opposite would win and Petty Betty was the name of the game. We just couldn’t find it in ourselves to come up with solutions and for some reason ONLY knew how to point fingers. Then last year, around our 9th anniversary, Ryan was out of town for training. We were getting a little bit better with communicating prior to him leaving and got so much better at it while he was away. Our outlook on situations and on each other somehow became more positive. Our kind side wanted a rematch and was on its way to the top. We wanted this marriage to work, not just for our kids, but for us.
We are doing it. Every day we are grateful we make it together to the next because not many couples do for one reason or another. Our story is still open for new chapters. We made it to ten! We are still loving and supporting each other and constantly encouraging each other to be and do better. We still can make each other laugh until we are about to pee our pants. But most importantly after 10 years of marriage, he still knows exactly how I like my coffee and that is pure love.
September was a crazy, crazy month. Between Ryan being gone, parenting alone, and being sick, I survived. Huge shouts to my parents for helping me every single moment I needed and need them. Through all the chaotic moments that happened this month I still had my favorites.
Ryan & Kat | If you read my last blog you know that Ryan and I reached our nine year wedding anniversary. We celebrated with a simple greeting over FaceTime and it was just fine with us. He was (and still is) off training for a new job and we wouldn’t want our nine year anniversary to be any different. We realized so much about ourselves individually during this time apart. We reintroduced ourselves to ourselves and have discovered we are stronger than we thought, more persistent to survive, and just more capable. We’ve been so used to being Ryan and Kat we forgot how it was to be Ryan and to be Kat. It was pretty nice to get to know me a little bit again.
Ryan is on the last leg of his training. He has a couple of more weeks left (hopefully) but at least he’s back in the same time zone. I am extremely proud of him for working so hard. He graduated last week after vigorous studying and testing. He has never studied so much in his life! There were days he loved his score and other days he wished he did better but he never let that consume him. Although we didn’t talk for long periods of time we were still able to talk here and there, nothing more than 8-10 minutes but when we did talk, it was all words of encouragement from me and all words of faith from him. We had to remind each other to take it day by day and test by test. We knew if we kept God in mind, everything will be all right. I mean, who are we? Better people I hope that stick around.
Kole & Monroe | As I watch how things are unfolding in the world today, I watch closely on how Kole and Monroe are socially. Yes, at home these kids can drive me up the wall, refuse to listen, and test my patience to the max but when I see them interact with other people I have a glimmer of hope for a better future. I have always taught Kole how to be a little gentleman. For example: Reminders of opening doors for people, why you open doors and how they make other people feel. As Kole is getting older he started opening doors for me and letting me and his little brother go first. And now it is grown to opening doors for strangers, especially women. And because Monroe looks up to his brother more than anyone else in the entire world, I witnessed Monroe try to open the door for someone for the first time at the post office. It brought a huge smile to this women to see a seven year old and a two year old try and open the door for her. Moments like that remind me that even though I have mommy breakdowns (quite often) I’m not doing too bad as a parent. Not at all.
“I want to hold your hand at 80 and say, ‘We made it!!'”
Ryan and I made it! Today we celebrate nine years of marriage. To some that may not be a lot but to us it means the world. We are surrounded by people and stories of breakups and divorces and every year we make it, we feel accomplished. But really though, every day we make it we feel accomplished.
We’ve been through many things during our marriage as everyone does. Being in a lifelong partnership takes a lot of effort, forgiveness, communication, and love to keep it going. I’ll be honest, there have been times where separation was part of the conversation for one reason or another. We thought letting go and giving up would be the better path to walk. But that happens when moments of weakness creep up on us. When we forget that marriage takes a lot of work to work. And we must remind ourselves to grow with each other and not out of each other. And we’re doing it. We’re communicating better and loving better because we know that WE are worth it.
This year, we won’t be able to celebrate until Ryan gets home since he’s out of town training for a new job. He told me he felt bad he wasn’t with me on our anniversary but I didn’t want him to feel that way at all. He is out there doing what he needs to do for our family. I 100% feel we are celebrating our wedding anniversary just as we should be, loving and supporting each other.
There may be days we question our like for each other but the love we have for one another never goes away. No matter what we go through we still choose love. And we promise to choose love Every. Damn. Day.