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Mom. Mommy. Mama. Mimi.

I once was very scared to have children. When I got married, I didn’t even think I would want any kids. Not only was I deathly afraid of being pregnant and birthing a human, I didn’t think I would naturally know what to do or how to love a child. I babysat a couple times at one point but that experience definitely did NOT tickle the ovaries. But once I got pregnant something just clicked. I was going to be a mom and I was….excited.

Now here I am with two children and I wouldn’t know how my life would have turned out if it changed course. I don’t even think I want to know how my life would be if I didn’t have my two boys. Being a mom still comes with crippling fear and anxiety no matter what age they are. I constantly think I am doing all the wrong things and the other half of the time I feel like I don’t even know WHAT I am doing. But what I do know is that I love my kids fiercely and I will do anything and everything for them. It really does take a village to raise these babies and if it wasn’t for these women, past and present, I don’t think I could do it.

And when I have those moments where I question my ability as a mother, I look to the women I admire the most. Not all of them may have children of their own but their maternal instincts are on high and I appreciate them all just the same. I dive into a safe space with all these women and talk about my thoughts and feelings and I appreciate their words and support.

To my mom who shows me that no matter what stage the relationship between mother and child are, the love will always be fierce. My kids never have any doubt how deep and how strong my love for them will always be. I’ve made it a point to have a little mantra with them during the tough times.

“Me: Even if I’m upset…
Them: You still love me?
Me: I still love you.”

To my aunts and grandmothers, who offered me a space to be able to come to them when I just couldn’t go to my mom for whatever reason. They let me vent about whatever was happening in my life and listened like a friend and guided me like a mother.

To the women I have met through my children’s school, the teachers and PTA patnas that have become friends. We have created bonds through these primary school years because our children are going through these growing pains together. We are able to lean on each other since we all are experiencing the same things at the same time. We all know how hard this mom thing is, and we never once thought to judge one another. These women taught me that village isn’t just in blood and I am forever grateful for their love and care for not only me but for my children as well.

Mother in law, sisters in law, mother figures to me, mother figures to my kids, cousins, sisters and other friends. The list of women who make me a better woman and mother is long. I’ve listened to their words and I’ve watched how they move. I have surrounded myself with a whole bunch of badass mamas and I can’t think of a better group of women to help me raise my boys. Thank you, each and every one of you, immensely, for being my village of women.

HMD.

This is my first Lucy Score @scorelucy book and oooooweeee is this one hot saucy. Loved this rom-com with a sprinkle of spice!!! It’s a must read! Full review on my blog coming soon! Tried a new spot with the family yesterday and it was a fashoyourighton! (IFYKYK). Sunday Grub. Are you into dark, crazy, and bizarre? SAHM Sweat Chic.

Kole And The One Three.

Last month my oldest turned thirteen. THIRTEEN. I’ve said this so many times and I’ll keep saying it again and again…Father Time, you are wildin’!!

I remember the day he was born so clearly. I remember all the events that lead up to his birth, all the people who were around me and the conversations I had over the phone. So many funny, scary, and beautiful moments of that time in April 2010. Then we blink. And the year is all of a sudden 2023 and the boy is all of a sudden a teenager.

I admit, I look back in time and I cryyyyy. I want so very badly to carry him in my arms and sing him lullabies. I want him to call me mommy and tell me silly stories in his baby voice. I want him to still look up at me and hold my hand. But all the things that I want, can no longer be.

I look at him and the baby face features are fading. His voice has completely changed, his face doesn’t always light up when he sees me and holding my hand is an absolute NO. GO. I am absolutely terrified of this new stage we have been slowly entering and I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like all my words and choices are all wrong when it comes to parenting a teenager. I can no longer make decisions I think are best for him. I have to learn to give him the freedom to make those on his own so he can learn all the lessons he needs to learn.

I know it’s time for me to look at my little boy as a young man taking control of his own life. As much as I’m having a hard time with this, I can put a positive spin on it and be completely proud of him for advocating for himself. He’s learning new things about himself and trying to figure out what kind of human he wants to be. He’s trying new things to figure out what makes him happy and what brings him joy.

All the things I get frustrated with about him are things I know could possibly be his strengths. When I offer up a punishment he sits there and questions my choice. He debates with me making sure the “punishment fits the crime”. And he never settles for “because I said so.” In the moment, I’m furious with all of that. But with a clear mind I can see how healthy it is that he knows to fight for himself no matter who he’s fighting with. We just need to work on his delivery. *eye roll* He and I are hella similar, I feel so bad for my own mom. But again, with a clear mind and time, my mom has also seen I will not and never have settled and I will and have always fought for myself in the same way Kole does.

Despite the puberty part of it all, I enjoy seeing the journey of his change. Kole has always had a good heart and I know he is growing up to be a strong, smart, and talented gentleman because he is a strong, smart, and talented young man. With spice. I can’t be all that mad because let’s be a 100, he get it from his mama.

This is my first Lucy Score @scorelucy book and oooooweeee is this one hot saucy. Loved this rom-com with a sprinkle of spice!!! It’s a must read! Full review on my blog coming soon! Tried a new spot with the family yesterday and it was a fashoyourighton! (IFYKYK). Sunday Grub. Are you into dark, crazy, and bizarre? SAHM Sweat Chic.

Teachers, You Are Top Tier.

What a crazy school year it has been!

It’s been such an emotional rollercoaster this whole year. With all this craziness, I have to give it up to all the teachers who thugged it out and extended their patience peak for not only the students, but for the parents as well.

They kept it calm and cool, as best as they possibly could. They were going through their own life stuff with their own families and dealing with their own anxieties during a pandemic and they still tried to make it as easy and seamless as possible for our children. No doubt they were the real MVPs this year.

As much as I was so hesitant in letting Kole and Monroe go back to in person learning, I’m glad I decided to let them continue the year that way. Monroe was able to get a little experience in class as a kindergartner and Kole was able to spend some time with half the class before bidding farewell to 5th grade. Now that we are ending the year, we still feel like we want more time with their teachers! They really are hella amazing. Hella.

Last year, I couldn’t get Monroe interested in reading or writing at all. His teachers not only got him to read AND read well, but also got him to LOVE school. Big ups to them, for real for real.

With Kole, it’s no surprise that he loves school but his teacher kept him excited to learn each day even if it was from a distance and with half the time.

Now it’s the end of the year and time to say goodbye to zoom classes, asynchronous/ synchronous learning, and our wonderful teachers. So I do as I always do and show our appreciation with end of the year teacher gifts.

I dusted off my cricut and got busy in design space. I used black heavy cardstock to line an 8×10 display case and decided to use school supplies to decorate the inside. I didn’t really feel like taking out my glue gun so I just used a mix of adhesive dots and Crafter’s Tape. Both did the job well! We thought this would be a great piece to put in their office at home or use as part of their decor in their classroom next year!

They deserve way more than these DIYs, but hopefully they felt all our love and appreciation.

Leave Meeting. Have a great summer!

Crayola Crayons | Cat In the Hat Bookmarks | #2 Pencils | Index Cards

Holly Daze. 2018.

This holiday season was sure a busy one for me this year.  Since I started my holiday shopping pretty early this year, I had this idea (from Pinterest of course) to decorate my Christmas gifts my own way.  I bought Kraft paper rolls and used my paint pens to address and decorate the gifts.  Although it took a whole lot of time, it was the most satisfying holiday craft project I’ve done!  It was a great way to put my little personal touch to the holidays!

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On to Kole’s class.  If you know me or follow this blog, then you know I can’t let a major holiday/event go with making the class goodie bags.  Last year, I made the kids little snowflake ornaments and this year I knitted mini stockings and stuffed them up with a couple of holiday candies.

His teacher and his classmates thought it was pretty cool and were all smiles so I’d say we had another class Holiday success!

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Everyday I start the mornings off with the news on tv.  That may not always be the best idea because of how absolutely depressing the entire world is right now, but it’s always a good idea to keep updated.  While I make breakfast for the boys, Kole is always paying attention to the news as well.  Last year he was so concerned and felt such sadness for the victims of the Tubbs Fire that he asked me if there was something we can do.  (And yes, that made me cry!)  So that was the beginning of a new family holiday tradition.  As a family, we decided to make a donation cup, which Kole decorated himself, and leave the cup in the middle of the dining table during Christmas and ask the family if they’d like to donate.

We are a small family but I know our donations helped a little and it surely did teach the kids in our family that the holidays are not only about all the gifts they receive for themselves but also how small gestures and just the act of love and care can be a huge gift to someone else.  Last year we donated to SonomaStrong Fire Relief and Recovery by Rotary.  2018 news had a whole lot of coverage on the homeless.  It’s sad how many people live on the streets here in the Bay Area, absolutely heartbreaking.  So just like last year, Kole chose a cause and he wanted to try to help the homeless somehow.  Our donations are going to a great organization started and ran by a family friend of ours called, The City Eats.  Ryan has volunteered with this organization and has even brought Kole along to help prep the meals as well.

“Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store.  Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” -Dr. Seuss

With the way the world is today, I am doing everything I can to make sure I raise little gentlemen that move through this world with intentions of love and care for others everyday and especially during the holidays.

Hope you all had a magical holiday full of love and lots of Christmas lights!! 

 

Hello, Ten.

Hello, Ten.

On September 20th, 2008,  a couple of 20 somethings walked down the aisle and vowed promises of forever and always to one another.  That was us.

Ryan and I have always been honest about what our marriage is.  We are very clear that marriage is difficult.  We are no strangers to vocal public fights.  Our close friends and families are always pulled in to hear our testimonies but we never asked them to take sides.  But we try to always ask, “What could I do to make this better?”  Our friends and family know us well individually and as a couple and we have been extremely blessed to have people in our lives that believe in our love and union and support the success of it.

When Ryan and I had the conversation of marriage as an unmarried couple, we both happened to be on the same page.  When we spoke of marriage we talked about the hard work we had to put in.  Marriage is not always easy like Sunday morning.  My main focus was not about my wedding dress.  It was not about my guest list.  It was about making sure that we can make this work for as long as we vowed to make it work for.  Forever.  Forever is a long damn time.  As the times and seasons change, people change.  What we can hope for and what we can fight through is to try to not necessarily change but to grow and hopefully in our journey to grow as individuals we can grow together as husband and wife.  Always.

Last anniversary was the first one in a while where we felt good in our marriage.  Like I say about our marriage when asked, we have good years and we have our unbearable ones.  Years 7 & 8 were rough ones.  We went through a lot as a couple and those two rough ass years had divorce on the tongue.  Our kind side vs. our stubborn side were at a constant battle.  As much as we told ourselves to be kind to our partner the opposite would win and Petty Betty was the name of the game.  We just couldn’t find it in ourselves to come up with solutions and for some reason ONLY knew how to point fingers.  Then last year, around our 9th anniversary, Ryan was out of town for training.  We were getting a little bit better with communicating prior to him leaving and got so much better at it while he was away.  Our outlook on situations and on each other somehow became more positive.  Our kind side wanted a rematch and was on its way to the top.  We wanted this marriage to work, not just for our kids, but for us.

We are doing it.  Every day we are grateful we make it together to the next because not many couples do for one reason or another.  Our story is still open for new chapters.  We made it to ten!  We are still loving and supporting each other and constantly encouraging each other to be and do better.  We still can make each other laugh until we are about to pee our pants.  But most importantly after 10 years of marriage, he still knows exactly how I like my coffee and that is pure love.

Happy, Ten.

My Favorite Moments – June ’18

My last Favorite Moments post was all the way back in September 2017.  The holidays crept up on us, as usual, and I was getting a little more involved in Kole’s school and class that the blogging took a little backseat.  It’s now summer time for the kids so I’ll try to take advantage of any free time to get back to typing away.

Kole | Kole finished off second grade this month and I am extremely proud of his school year.  His teachers and his classmates had nothing but good things to say about him.  He learned so much academically this year.  I loved his explanation of common core and friendly tens he learned in math, I loved the little bits of knowledge he’d tell me about ants and spiders (ew!!), and I loved all the little projects he brought home that took planning, testing, and follow through.  He’s always been into books and getting lost in the stories he’d read but this year he really fell in love with writing.  He took every advantage of the times he had in school to write and illustrate stories/books with his classmates during Writers Workshop and he also took time at home to create little books.  His imagination and creativity is boundless.

School was so great for him this year that he has shed some tears because school is over.  Not only because he’d miss his friends and recess but also because he genuinely enjoyed every part of the school day as well.  He even went as far as to say “Two months of summer is soooo looonnnggg!”  What kid says that? LOL.  Even though I have never felt that way in my whole life, I am really happy that he feels this way.  This feeling may not last forever but I will do my best to keep him just as interested in school as I can.  And I also am hella grateful for the educators that keep that school spirit alive!

“Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world.”

Monroe | My little baby boy turned three this month!!  He. Is. A. Terror.  But the most lovable kind.  He most definitely is a sour patch kid.  Sweet one minute and sour the next.  But lately, his sweet has leveled up!  He is giving me more hugs and kisses and I get a lot more random “Mimi, I love you”s.  And if you know us well, you know his sacrifice of the green M&Ms for me is quite the gesture coming from that little M&M monster.  Conversations with him are getting easier and we are understanding each other more.  As much as I love all the growing, it is making me a little sad.  It’s already hard enough for me to accept that Kole isn’t teeny tiny anymore and now my littlest baby is growing up at the same super speed as his brother.   Time goes impossibly fast when you measure it by your growing minis.

Young, Wild, and THREE!img_8482-e1530204561486.jpg

What started off your sweet summertime?

 

Snoopy Sweater: Uniqlo | 3rd Birthday Shirt:  Willow Bee Apparel 

Ms. B., You Were A+. Second Grade Was Super.

This school year just flew right on by. When we first met Ms. B. we fell instantly at ease and in love. Having had the same teacher for two years straight, Kole was a bit nervous starting second grade. But since the first day of this school year he had deemed Ms. B. as one of his favorite teachers. I had the pleasure to sit in and volunteer in the class a bit more this year so I got close to her and the students pretty quickly. She is a great teacher with a whole lot of patience and a very kind heart. Kole came out everyday being able to do mental math so quickly. Thank goodness for common core and friendly tens!

Now it’s time to say goodbye to all our company…and that means a little “send off to Summer” gift sets. This year I rounded up some sidewalk chalk and bubbles to remind them to put the iPad down and get outside. Also adding washable paint to remind them to stay creative. Keep your body moving, live life, and enjoy your sunny days, kiddos!

“Have a whole lot of summer fun! Love, Kole”

To the person who handled 17 of our precious, energetic, hard to handle at times, minis…thank you for all the new knowledge, skill, and memories you gave our kids. You get the sweetest of send offs.

Kole loved being in her class. We especially appreciate her opening her classroom doors to me and Monroe. We hope she enjoys every single minute of her summer break. She deserves it!

“Thanks for making Kole, one smart cookie!”

Thank you Second Grade. You were super. Off to Third we go!

Happy summer and enjoy every ray of that sunshine! ‘Til next school year.

Sidewalk chalk (Target) | Kids’ Washable Paint | Treat Cups (Michael’s clearance) | Cellophane Bags | Bubbles | Photo Box | “One Smart Cookie” Pot Holder | Cookie Cutter | Candle (Bath & Body Works)

HMD. 2018.

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This year I’m going to give a shout out to my boys. After all, without them I wouldn’t be part of this motherhood club.

They have changed my life in so many ways. Never in my life have I felt so anxious. Anxiety and panic attacks come full force. I’m deathly afraid of anything just in the case they get hurt in any way or in the case I get hurt in any way. Because who the hell would take care for my kids the way I do if something happened to me? No one. Because even if their dad can take care of them just fine, he still can’t do it like mommy does. (Ask him. He’ll co-sign. I promise.) Before I had kids it was that YOLO life. Now, as a mother, it’s YOLO but LET’S BE CAUTIOUS YALL!!!!

But that’s ok with me. I always thought of myself as a selfish person in my young adult life (which I’m sure we all were). Thinking of throwing myself in front of danger for someone else made me think twice and lay out pros and cons before I actually would decide whether or not I would do that for someone no matter how much I loved and cared for them. Then I had kids.

And once I entered motherhood I had already made up my mind. I would run into a burning building for my children and I would lift any heavy machinery in my way to get to my kids. No doubt about it.

To my Kole and Monroe, I want to thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for reminding me about hope and love on dark days. Thank you for the random hugs and kisses you give. Thank you for saying “please” and “thank you”. Thank you for loving me unconditionally despite the irritation, the yelling, and especially despite the limited tech time I offer because of all the irritation you both offer me. 😒

I thank them because they made me a mom. And because no matter how much I think I am the worse mother in the world, little things like opening the door for me and giving me the green M&Ms because green is my favorite color, remind me that I’m not such a bad a great mom.

Cheers to our children for making us mothers.

And cheers to us moms. We hold the home down, we channel our inner superhero for our little ones, and we catch throw up with our bare hands. MVP.

Happy Mother’s Day!

Daily Conversations With My Kid.

With all the scary situations that have gone on in the world since Kole was born, it has brought my stress level to its highest. I have never been brought back to the calm side of the spectrum ever since I became a mother. I have considered homeschooling him and keeping him away from all people. I have considered watching his every step to make sure he never comes in close contact with a bully. But life doesn’t work that way. I can only trust in the way I raise him and have faith on how he follows through.

Ever since he started school, three years ago, I have said the same things to him during drop off and pick up. When I drop him off I always say “Be good, be kind, and learn a lot.” Every day.

I remind him to be good. Teachers work hard everyday with 20-30 of our rowdy children. As parents, reasons we often complain about our children is how they don’t listen and don’t follow through, just to name a few. And we only have to deal with 1-5 kids on average. We know the struggle and to put all these kids with all different personalities together can be stressful and tough for an underpaid teacher with whom we have entrusted with our most precious treasures for 6-8 hours a day.

I remind him to be kind. Children are sensitive and remember everything. We all know mistreatment from their peers can stick with them for a lifetime and cause uneccessary violent action. As adults in this world today we are surprised by kindness. Videos about kindness go viral like it’s a foreign action. That says a lot about the world today and it’s not a good thing. I want him to grow up knowing kindness should be normal, given and received. To everyone. From everyone.

And lastly, I remind him to learn a lot. I want him to be open to learning everything and anything. I want him to be engaged so he is always interested on learning both sides of a coin. Ask questions. Be open to the answers even if he doesn’t like them. Not only listen but to understand.

And on to our conversations when I pick him up.

I always ask..

“How was your day?”

“What did you learn today?”

“What did you do and who did you play with during recess?”

“What was your favorite thing about the day?”

“What was your least favorite?”

I know that seems like a lot but it gives me all the information I need and I get him used to knowing that, as a parent, asking him a bunch of questions are not for interrogation. It’s for conversation. To always remind him I want to know about and keep up with his life, not because I don’t trust him but because I’m truly interested. Wanting to know how his day went and what he learned are a given. But it’s important for me to know what happens during recess when the kids are left to socialize with each other on a more independent level. I want to know if the list of people he plays with change, if the list has downsized, or if it has increased. What kind of games they play and if who is in charge of these games are the same person/people or if that role changes from time to time. Hearing about his least favorite parts of the day help me figure out what makes him sad, uncomfortable, or upset so I am able to catch anything he may not express to me directly. Knowing his favorite parts help me remember the things that bring him joy.

If I can’t protect him from all the bad in the world I can only hope I am helping raise good to at least be able to spread a little bit of light in all this darkness. Let’s face it, our world is shit. I want his tomorrows to be brighter than our todays. We just have to make sure we show the love and keep the conversation up and running.

On A Wednesday In February. 2018.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and it’s time to get crafty for Kole’s class. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you know candy is not my go to. Last year I knitted puffed hearts for the entire class and teacher and this year I wanted to make something for the boys and something for the girls.

For the boys:

Minecraft is a huge thing in our home so I decided to knit up Minecraft creeper baggies and got some bouncy balls to fill.

For the girls:

I knitted up some cute strawberry pouches and got heart bracelets to fill.

For the teacher:

Since Kole has a different teacher than he had last year, I decided to knit up a mini version of the Puffed Hearts and place them in a repurposed candle jar in hopes she will cherish the crafts and find use for the jar in her home.

These were thought up and made with a huge amount of love and care. I wanted Kole’s classmates to know their friendship is appreciated and his teacher to know that her kindness and patience means the world.

Happy Valentine’s Day 2018! Let this day be a reminder to give and show love, not just for that one day in February, but for everyday of the year.

“Do small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa