Category: Coffee Talk

On A Wednesday In February. 2018.

Valentine’s Day is coming up and it’s time to get crafty for Kole’s class. If you’ve been keeping up with my blog, you know candy is not my go to. Last year I knitted puffed hearts for the entire class and teacher and this year I wanted to make something for the boys and something for the girls.

For the boys:

Minecraft is a huge thing in our home so I decided to knit up Minecraft creeper baggies and got some bouncy balls to fill.

For the girls:

I knitted up some cute strawberry pouches and got heart bracelets to fill.

For the teacher:

Since Kole has a different teacher than he had last year, I decided to knit up a mini version of the Puffed Hearts and place them in a repurposed candle jar in hopes she will cherish the crafts and find use for the jar in her home.

These were thought up and made with a huge amount of love and care. I wanted Kole’s classmates to know their friendship is appreciated and his teacher to know that her kindness and patience means the world.

Happy Valentine’s Day 2018! Let this day be a reminder to give and show love, not just for that one day in February, but for everyday of the year.

“Do small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

The Big Three, She, and He.

If you have not fallen victim to, what I call, Ugly Cry Tuesday’s, you have clearly not been watching This Is Us. Before this show came out I binged watched Parenthood and then Gilmore Girls. So I was left with wanting more of stories about family and wanting more of Milo Ventimiglia *swoon*. So when I saw the first episode of This Is Us, Milo’s behind got me to watch *drool*, Jack got me hooked, and William and the Pearson’s got me to fall in love. I am completely invested in this family. My heart aches and my eyes are puffy every single week without fail. This is a damn good show.

As amazing as this show is, it emotional drains the hell out of me. So much so, that my husband has to ask me every week “Are you ready to watch?” “Are you sure?” I’m so ridiculous. Ha! (But at least I’m not the only one! I know you’ve got all the feels too!)

But it is quite hard to watch. We are watching everything we fear as a parent. Everything we fear as a child. Everything we fear as a partner. And we must watch it all happen to a family we have fallen so in love with and have deeply connected to. We are in an era of entertainment that is full of sci-fi and superheroes. This Is Us is us and feels so real because it can be and to some people out there, it is. It reminds us that family is number one. It reminds us to love always and to love passionately. It reminds us to forgive as much as we can. And it sure as hell reminds us that life is hella short (and always have batteries for your smoke detectors and putting a rag next to an ancient appliance that you need to “fidget with” is dangerous as hell!!)

The last episode hit me as hard as the “Memphis” episode hit me, with my heart aching for days. And when our Super Bowl Sunday arrives, we’ll know exactly how the Pearson’s Super Bowl Sundays will never be the same. I’m sure we’ll cry the the most we ever have for this fictional family and our hearts will feel heavy AF that day. I am relieved though, that after we have to watch our current favorite TV dad run through heat and flame to protect his family at all costs, we will still be able to watch Jack Pearson alive and well in episodes to come. There is still so much story for him, Rebecca, and the big three that is so beautifully put together every week.

A salute to the writers who keep us engaged and a salute to the actors who make us feel all the feels.

Mind Your Own.

My kids are not perfect. There are times they don’t listen. There are times they fight. There are times they throw tantrums.

It. Is. Normal.

The other day, my kids and I were at a store and Monroe, who is 2 years old, had a tantrum. The woman behind me felt the need to make all sorts of comments and show all sorts of disgust on the fact that Monroe was upset, irritated, and crying. I don’t much care about what others think but it still isn’t easy to hear other people make you feel you are a complete failure as a parent and absolutely more upsetting to see your oldest child hear someone say something unkind about his little brother.

But make no mistake, if you feel free to make your side comments behind my back, do not be surprised to hear my harsh comments to your face. I am a mother protecting her cubs. I bite.

If you have a toddler, you know it’s that time in their lives they just don’t understand why they can’t have everything they want in the world. That’s where us parents step in. We try our best to teach them right and wrong, good and bad, and patience. We all know trying to teach a child that takes time and a whole lot of patience on our part as well. It’s frustrating as hell but that’s our job, to make sure we do our very best to raise them to be good people.

When we say no to our kids, do you think we enjoy watching them cry and get upset? Absolutely not! I choose to say no to them for certain things they don’t need. I choose to have my heart break everytime they cry or get upset because I took something away from them they didn’t deserve. So they will understand they will get it back when they have earned it from hardwork, kindness, etc. and not because they yelled for it. I choose this way so they don’t become grown men who throw tantrums and so they understand the word NO when they hear it.

Look, I’m doing my best here. So if you aren’t here to help, then keep on walking. I don’t need anybody making me feel less than. Parents do that to themselves enough.

Moral of the story, if you see a toddler out there throwing a tantrum, you can either help the poor parents or just STFU.

Happy New Days.

I have never been very much into a New Years celebration. Going to Times Square or any NYE Party was never on my bucket list and never will be. I prefer a much laid back count down. One with just close friends and/or family. And a bathroom I can easily get to and a blanket I can easily bundle up in.

The countdown starts and the hugs, kisses, and well wishes for the new year begin. After all that is done and the sounds of fireworks that give me a damn near heart attack have calmed down, I always say to myself and then to my husband “Wow. I can’t believe it’s (enter year here)” without fail. It is at that point when I reflect on yesteryear and feel the necessary emotions that go along with that year’s memories. We all have our good years and our bad years and 2017 wasn’t one of the greatest for me. I went in and out of my depression moods. Watching the news everyday definitely didn’t bring me one ounce of peace but just another notch on my anxiety belt. It was a rough year for me and Ryan as husband and wife. I didn’t get to do/experience anything I wanted. Whether it be reading a book I said I wanted to read or going on holiday to a city I have never been to before. Don’t get me wrong, there were a handful of moments last year that were wonderful. Ones I will never forget. But it’s not just about everything that has happened around me but a lot more of what I did or (mostly) didn’t do for myself. There is nothing and no one to blame but me. I didn’t work hard or even enough for my own happiness.

My world, love, and attention is set around my family and friends but I have to remind myself I deserve all that for me too.

How can I can make my 2018 a year I’ll look fondly back on? What can I do to FEEL better so I can BE better?

•Love myself. Set some time me time away from kids and pamper myself. Read the books I want to or just sit back and mask!

•Vision board. Make a vision board to get to the places I want to visit and if I can’t get to those places don’t get discouraged. Keep the dream alive! I’ll get there one day but know I’ve got to get up and do something about it. And tack on experiences I want to have. Like a promise to myself to explore my own city. I have to remember adventure doesn’t always have to be expensive or far. It can just be a hike away.

•Plan. As much as I love to plan and be organized I somehow stopped writing things down and making lists and appointments last year. Envision it, write it down, and (hopefully definitely) check it off!

•Be calm. Meditate. Going from 0-100 isn’t always the best way to go. I must remind myself counting 1-10 should be my first go to before I fly off the handle and that a nice calm chat can work wonders. Who needs to yell at the top of their lungs over constantly stepping on toys you’ve told your kids to put away 100 times before they actually listen?

Not me.

Anymore.

Life is getting shorter. My kids are getting older. I try to do the best I can to make sure they get to live their happiest life. They deserve to see me live mine the same exact way and I deserve to actually live it.

Happy New Dreams.

Happy New Days.

Happy New Desires.

Happy New Ways.

Happy New Year.

NINE & Just Fine.

“I want to hold your hand at 80 and say, ‘We made it!!'” 

Ryan and I made it!  Today we celebrate nine years of marriage.  To some that may not be a lot but to us it means the world.  We are surrounded by people and stories of breakups and divorces and every year we make it, we feel accomplished.  But really though, every day we make it we feel accomplished.

We’ve been through many things during our marriage as everyone does.  Being in a lifelong partnership takes a lot of effort, forgiveness, communication, and love to keep it going.  I’ll be honest, there have been times where separation was part of the conversation for one reason or another.  We thought letting go and giving up would be the better path to walk.  But that happens when moments of weakness creep up on us.  When we forget that marriage takes a lot of work to work.  And we must remind ourselves to grow with each other and not out of each other.  And we’re doing it.  We’re communicating better and loving better because we know that WE are worth it.

This year, we won’t be able to celebrate until Ryan gets home since he’s out of town training for a new job.  He told me he felt bad he wasn’t with me on our anniversary but I didn’t want him to feel that way at all.  He is out there doing what he needs to do for our family.  I 100% feel we are celebrating our wedding anniversary just as we should be, loving and supporting each other.

There may be days we question our like for each other but the love we have for one another never goes away.  No matter what we go through we still choose love. And we promise to choose love Every. Damn. Day.

Happy Nine, my dear.

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What song did I walk down the aisle to? Click here to listen!

Bye Bye, Summertime.

Summertime is coming to a close and the school year is about to begin.  When school let out back in June I was so excited.  I get to spend all my summer days with my oldest as well as my youngest!  Then a week into summer vacation I realized peace was all lost.  Quiet and calm was a distant memory.  I was ready for vacation to be over.  But as much as I yearned for peace and quiet and as much as I was so over and done with each day, the night ended with me and Ryan talking about how much we loved seeing Kole and Monroe together, the way they interacted, and the way they played.  We watched them sleep and wished they were awake because we realized we missed the noise.  Oh, but of course never spoke of it too out loud in case the universe actually listened. We didn’t miss the noise THAT much! Monroe seemed to be playing his own game of shadow and followed every single thing Kole did.  Every word and movement was mimicked. Even right down to when Kole sneezed Monroe tried to sneeze.  You know, what every younger sibling does with their older siblings.  The last couple of months Monroe has learned so many things and for the most part it was Kole teaching him.  I’m going to miss their all day interaction with each other.  I’m especially going to miss watching their imagination on high speed and hearing it at the highest volume possible.And I know, most of all, Monroe is going to miss seeing his brother all day.  His best bud.  His ace.  But it’s time to have Kole go and learn second grade things and I’m excited to listen to all his second grade stories.  Next week we say goodbye to summer and hello to second grade.  Bye, Summer 2017.  Thanks for the memories.

SILs.

When your sister in law luh you so much she gives you flowers.

I am a person who didn’t necessarily get on with people, especially females, off the bat.  The smiles and hellos and how are yous were me being cordial and not me wanting to be life long friends or even acquaintances for that matter.  I could be very guarded and stone faced if I don’t know you or am not comfortable upon the first greeting.  I have gotten much better throughout the years and have been more open and definitely more kind.  You know, trying to lead by example so my kids don’t go around muggin’ everybody.

I went to an all girls high school where many alpha females were in attendance and honesty, loyalty, and respect were lacking.  We didn’t like each other for the most meaningless reasons, then got along well after a retreat or something, right back to hating each other all over just because of much hearsay.  Hella hearsay.  Oh, high school! But we were kids.  We didn’t know better.  At the time, people giving us advice were our peers who were going through the same things and you just learn to Trust.  No.  One.

Fast forward to adulthood and marriage.  When you marry a person with siblings you gain sister in laws.  Women you must learn to love and/or at least to understand and respect.  Thank God, I got good ones.  We try to spend as much time together as we can.    We laugh.  We gab.  We cling together at family parties.  Most importantly, we are there for one another.  I grew up with a brother so having sisters in laws that I actually like is treat for me! Ha!

Of course, as in every tight group, there are misunderstandings, miscommunication, and disagreements but we are sisters by marriage but very much friends by choice.  We are all alpha females in our own right and still get along quite well.  We enjoy each other’s company.  We respect each other, support each other and we sincerely love each other. They came with the marriage and our friendship is also very much til’ death do us part.

 “She stands firmly on her own two feet and I just behind her; should she ever need me.”


Thinking Back On Pregnant Me.

A very dear friend of mine called me one day and surprised me with some amazing news. She’s pregnant!  She was a person who fiddled around the idea of having children but didn’t particularly plan on it.  She is excited nontheless and I am excited for her.  Like, hella.  As I’m enjoying her news, it takes me through the memories of when I was pregnant.

First, let me say, I was not one of those women who enjoyed pregnancy.  I complained all the time.  ALL. THE. TIME.  I was uncomfortable, irritable, and always tired.  I annoyingly received comments on my body, on how tired I looked, and (my favorite) the comparisons with other pregnant women.  Not to mention the anxiety of thinking of the labor. Which I still felt the second time around adding the anxiety of feeling I wouldn’t know how to be a mother to two kids.  I was a mess!  You know, the pregnancy usual.  These stuck to me and are sometimes the first things I think about when I look back on pregnancy but what sticks out the most is the connection I had with my babies.

Yes, two people started the process but we, as women, are the ones that see it through.  Love and security are what home is and I was their first idea of home.  We were in this together.  We ate the same things.  We felt the same feelings.  We were one.
Although the kicking has a slight hint of creepiness to it, the feeling of a tiny human being growing inside me letting me know “Sup, I’m here mommy and I love you as much as you love me” with a quick roundhouse is pretty amazing.

Despite my list of pregnancy negatives, the positives still shine bright.  I took part in creating two human beings.  I never knew my heart could pump more blood and love than it already did before I became a mother.  Pregnancy may not have been the most enjoyable experience for me but I’m pretty sure the motherhood part suits me just right.

The Light. :#tbt

This is a blog post I wrote in September 2012.  It’s interesting to go back and read entries from the past.  It’s difficult to remember those tough emotions but it makes me appreciate how much better I am today.  How much more control I have over my happiness rather than being so out of control in my darkness.  I was going through a lot at the time, finding my way out of postpartum depression (for the first time) and trying to sort out the world around me.  It was a rough time for me.  But even in that time, I still managed to see light at the end of that dark tunnel I was stranded in with the help of two of my very, very close friends.

• • •

The Light.


Time ticks away.  Life moves on.  When you get a chance to just sit and let all that be and you get to reflect on everything, do just that.  Reflect.

Since I became a mother who was able to stay at home and watch my son grow, I was (am) able to reflect a lot on my friendships.  Once my life changed into scattered milk bottles and first words, my friends continued on with their single and dirty diaper-less lives.  I don’t regret one bit that I have gained a certain responsibility, but I do regret how some of my friendships turned out.

When people have different priorities their outlooks on things are obviously just as different.  How did all of a sudden I felt that they absolutely couldn’t be there for me anymore?  But also, how did all of a sudden they felt they couldn’t talk to me like they used to?
Well, let’s take a look.  After I had my son, I unfortunately got that dreaded dark cloud over my head that, as I’ve learned, comes naturally after child birth.  I wouldn’t say it was a black shade but more on the gray scale.  But during that tough time, I took a break from EVERYONE.  I had to grasp what was going on within me on my own.  At that point, I knew my friends wouldn’t understand. Luckily, after I finally opened up to them, I was starting to feel a little more normal.  After I reconnected with them, some relationships got tighter and others just continued to loosen.

It cuts very deep to know that the person you always called first for anything will barely answer the phone.  I guess she’s just too damn busy.  Too busy to say hello.  Too busy to grab a bite or a cup of joe.  Just too busy for….Me. But because of the ever growing world of technology and social networking, I know for a fact this person is not too busy for the people she sees everyday, or the friend who lives thousands of miles away, or anyone else but me (it seems). While all this is happening, I have accepted it and told myself that it’s ok.  If my life isn’t as interesting as it once was to this person, I have found that it is still interesting to others.  I was able to nurture the friendships that didn’t change and because of the roller coaster of emotions I have felt for the past couple of years, I am forever grateful for them.  They never gave up on me.  They had faith that the fog would lift.  That I would see brighter days and they made sure that it was with them that I would share the sunshine.

To A: Thank you for just listening.  I appreciate you more than you can ever imagine. Thank you for trusting me with your feelings on love and appreciating the advice and knowledge I can share with you on the subject.  You have been and will ALWAYS be someone I can rely on.

To D: You are my sanity and my strength.  You definitely play a huge part in helping me rebuild myself when I have completely fallen apart.  For being miles away from each other, you are always there when I need you.  You’re there when I want to cry, to yell, and to just laugh. I love you with all my heart and soul.

A&D: Thank you for bringing me light.

MY Intent. : SORELLA

In this materialistic land we roam today, amazing gifts are measured by how expensive it is, how high it is on a top 100 list, or how envious you can make someone when you put it up on the ‘gram.  Let’s face it, being a stay at home mom doesn’t pay the bills so it won’t buy extravagance for any other outside of the home.  So I try hard to really think up gifts that suit the receiver so I know every penny I spent was worth it to them.  Thought is a huge part in my gift giving.  That is, of course, if I’m not extremely backed up with kid things and if I know with absolute certainty that cash and a gift card is what they yearn for the most.
It was one of my very bestest friends’ birthday a couple of months ago and we don’t always exchange gifts on birthdays because we prefer time and talk over objects anyway. But this year when I thought about her birthday, I thought about the perfect gift for her. A video I came across on Facebook (watch here!) got me sucked in and intrigued. It was the video of a man who created MyIntent Project.  It’s simple unique jewelry that shares meaningful intentions.  The website states:

“MyIntent Project is a catalyst for meaningful conversations and positive action.
We believe there is purpose inside each of us and we want our efforts to encourage people to share more truth and inspiration with each other.

We are not a jewelry company – we are a service project.”

Refreshing, am I right?  You simply go on the website, choose the type of accessory, and choose your WORD.

For my dear friend I chose “SORELLA” which means sister in Italian.  She moved to Italy for a bit to rejuvenate and refocus. It was an important chapter in her life so all things Italian holds a very special place in her heart.  And her being my one of my dearest friends, she holds a very special place in mine.  So I gave her this gift so she will forever know MY intent.  To continue to be there for her as I’ve always been no matter where life leads us.  That I will never judge her for her most truest feelings.  That I always will be happy for her success and always be by her side during her milestones.  That I will infinitely appreciate the friendship and loyalty she has given me since day one on that crazy Colma night.

What’s special to you?  What’s your hope or dream for the future?

What’s your WORD?