Last month my oldest turned thirteen. THIRTEEN. I’ve said this so many times and I’ll keep saying it again and again…Father Time, you are wildin’!!
I remember the day he was born so clearly. I remember all the events that lead up to his birth, all the people who were around me and the conversations I had over the phone. So many funny, scary, and beautiful moments of that time in April 2010. Then we blink. And the year is all of a sudden 2023 and the boy is all of a sudden a teenager.
I admit, I look back in time and I cryyyyy. I want so very badly to carry him in my arms and sing him lullabies. I want him to call me mommy and tell me silly stories in his baby voice. I want him to still look up at me and hold my hand. But all the things that I want, can no longer be.
I look at him and the baby face features are fading. His voice has completely changed, his face doesn’t always light up when he sees me and holding my hand is an absolute NO. GO. I am absolutely terrified of this new stage we have been slowly entering and I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like all my words and choices are all wrong when it comes to parenting a teenager. I can no longer make decisions I think are best for him. I have to learn to give him the freedom to make those on his own so he can learn all the lessons he needs to learn.
I know it’s time for me to look at my little boy as a young man taking control of his own life. As much as I’m having a hard time with this, I can put a positive spin on it and be completely proud of him for advocating for himself. He’s learning new things about himself and trying to figure out what kind of human he wants to be. He’s trying new things to figure out what makes him happy and what brings him joy.
All the things I get frustrated with about him are things I know could possibly be his strengths. When I offer up a punishment he sits there and questions my choice. He debates with me making sure the “punishment fits the crime”. And he never settles for “because I said so.” In the moment, I’m furious with all of that. But with a clear mind I can see how healthy it is that he knows to fight for himself no matter who he’s fighting with. We just need to work on his delivery. *eye roll* He and I are hella similar, I feel so bad for my own mom. But again, with a clear mind and time, my mom has also seen I will not and never have settled and I will and have always fought for myself in the same way Kole does.
Despite the puberty part of it all, I enjoy seeing the journey of his change. Kole has always had a good heart and I know he is growing up to be a strong, smart, and talented gentleman because he is a strong, smart, and talented young man. With spice. I can’t be all that mad because let’s be a 100, he get it from his mama.