I once was very scared to have children. When I got married, I didn’t even think I would want any kids. Not only was I deathly afraid of being pregnant and birthing a human, I didn’t think I would naturally know what to do or how to love a child. I babysat a couple times at one point but that experience definitely did NOT tickle the ovaries. But once I got pregnant something just clicked. I was going to be a mom and I was….excited.
Now here I am with two children and I wouldn’t know how my life would have turned out if it changed course. I don’t even think I want to know how my life would be if I didn’t have my two boys. Being a mom still comes with crippling fear and anxiety no matter what age they are. I constantly think I am doing all the wrong things and the other half of the time I feel like I don’t even know WHAT I am doing. But what I do know is that I love my kids fiercely and I will do anything and everything for them. It really does take a village to raise these babies and if it wasn’t for these women, past and present, I don’t think I could do it.
And when I have those moments where I question my ability as a mother, I look to the women I admire the most. Not all of them may have children of their own but their maternal instincts are on high and I appreciate them all just the same. I dive into a safe space with all these women and talk about my thoughts and feelings and I appreciate their words and support.
To my mom who shows me that no matter what stage the relationship between mother and child are, the love will always be fierce. My kids never have any doubt how deep and how strong my love for them will always be. I’ve made it a point to have a little mantra with them during the tough times.
“Me: Even if I’m upset…
Them: You still love me?
Me: I still love you.”
To my aunts and grandmothers, who offered me a space to be able to come to them when I just couldn’t go to my mom for whatever reason. They let me vent about whatever was happening in my life and listened like a friend and guided me like a mother.
To the women I have met through my children’s school, the teachers and PTA patnas that have become friends. We have created bonds through these primary school years because our children are going through these growing pains together. We are able to lean on each other since we all are experiencing the same things at the same time. We all know how hard this mom thing is, and we never once thought to judge one another. These women taught me that village isn’t just in blood and I am forever grateful for their love and care for not only me but for my children as well.
Mother in law, sisters in law, mother figures to me, mother figures to my kids, cousins, sisters and other friends. The list of women who make me a better woman and mother is long. I’ve listened to their words and I’ve watched how they move. I have surrounded myself with a whole bunch of badass mamas and I can’t think of a better group of women to help me raise my boys. Thank you, each and every one of you, immensely, for being my village of women.
HMD.
Crown and Coffee 